Voices

(JY from Ishikawa Prefecture/Female/70s/Housewife)

Getting along with my friend was not an easy thing to do. She is fun to be around with, but her attitude and conversations always made me nervous and worried because she does not seem to care much about hurting other people’s feelings. I have been thinking about what I can do to help her see things differently and take in her surrounding more on a brighter side.  However, as I learned Kami’s teachings, I realized some issues that I needed to correct with my involvement with her.

A strong sense of justice made me a demanding person, which had me too involved sometimes—I often went beyond my boundaries. I realized I was rather judgmental. 

I now try to mind my own business, work to change my perception, rather than changing others.  For instance, when she took her anger out on me, I could think calmly and not be consumed by her because she might be just having a bad day.  I do not have a strong urge to change others anymore, and also able to keep an appropriate distance, allowing me to have the right involvement with her.  I feel calm enough to see more of the good in her.  Having the right distance has made our time together much more enjoyable than ever before.

(ST from Nagano Prefecture/Female/70s/Housewife)

My first marriage didn’t work out, so I hoped to create a warm and loving family when I got married again.  However, when we started to live together, differences in our life style began to surface.
I always wanted to go out and spend time together with him whenever we had time, while my husband wanted to spend holidays at home to relax—we were looking for different things.

The more I learned Kami’s teachings, the more I was able to realize that I was too insistent.  Asking Kami for much caring and understanding heart toward my husband’s feelings who works hard every day, my actions began to change. No matter how busy I was, I made an effort to use nicer words with smiles when seeing him off each day.  I kept doing this every day, even though there were times when my heart was broken from having some arguments.  Instead of making him do whatever I wanted to do, I tried to listen and value what he wanted to do.

Then my husband changed gradually. Now, he asks me where I want to go or what I want to do.  We take turn of what we want to do, which makes our time together more fulfilling.  When we are fulfilled, even the loud voices of children in the neighborhoods do not bother us anymore. As a matter of fact, we are starting to like it is because, even though we don't have kids at home, we get to hear children playing and having fun. It is all because of the teachings that changed our views, the bond between us as husband and wife have deepened.  We are grateful that we were able to create a warm and loving family that I had always wished for.

(CS from Kyoto/Female/70s/Housewife)

My daughter and I have never truly understood each other and always ended up having fights for decades.  When I divorced my husband, my daughter said to me, “I don't think of you as my mother”, and it struck my heart very badly. This relationship with my daughter brought much frustration, and I blamed my husband for all that was happening. 
Perhaps I was just being the mother who’s always seeing the things that my daughter needed to change, and telling her to point out the wrong doings. I was determined that was the right thing to do, and never occurred to me that my daughter was feeling sad and lonely at heart.

At that time, I started to learn the teachings much deeper, which made me realize that I was the one that needed to change—I found myself not fulfilling my role in the family, and was not expressing my love to my daughter in the correct way.
I thought I have to make changes, and that is when I started to ask Kami to help me be involved with my daughter in the right way to bring the distance closer between us.  This process went on for 10 years…

When I fell ill, my daughter supported me, and I was able to tell her my appreciation.
It brought us closer, and we opened up our hearts, and gradually fixed our relationship.
Now, it gives me joy to do whatever I can to help my daughter who works incredibly hard.  I tell her, “I am happier than ever,” and she in return tells me “those words make me happy.”  Despite the conflicts we used to have, we’ve become a true mother and a daughter who can laugh and talk like true friends.

(IM from Osaka/Female/20s/Housewife)

My husband drinking alcohol had become my great concern. I knew it was to relieve stress from work, but he seemed not well. Despite that, he still did not try to take time to rest.  I asked him not to be too hard on himself, and get some help, but he did not listen to me.  
When I asked his boss to ask if my husband could have some time off, we got into a fight. I told him that I want him to live a long and healthy life, but he said he does not need help.  I was blaming him for not understanding how much I worried for his well-being.

I visited the church to ask help from Kami about my feelings of despair. Speaking to Kami helped and I gradually felt calm and at ease.  Being calm and by being in touch with the teachings allowed me to see what I needed to change and correct.  For example, contacting his workplace probably made him uncomfortable and felt like he was treated like a child. And when I become emotional over my worries for him, he probably does not see my view to understand.

I made the effort to use generous words and attitudes with hopes that my husband could feel relaxed and at ease. As I changed my approach to him, his stubborn attitude changed, and started to accept and listen to my feelings. His drinking got less, and put priority on his health.  Although there are some ups and downs in a marriage, every day is a fresh start to learn, discover and practice something new.

(YK from Yokohama/Male/30s/Office Worker)

We have two daughters, one is a newborn and the other is a 2 year old.  I have been doing my best to help the laundry or preparing meals to support my wife who is always busy with the housework.  She always thanked me, but she seemed somewhat unsatisfied.
One day, studying the teachings, it struck me that what I have been doing was just to satisfy myself, not thinking about what is important for her or what she really wanted. I realized that my focus should have been on her needs, instead of what kind of support “I” wanted to give.  Looking back, I may have provided unappreciated support, and it may have gotten in her way.
Then on, I started to make conversations to ask my wife for what she wanted.  With such a simple thing, my wife surprisingly became more pleased, and expressed her thankfulness which made me a lot happier than before.  I finally understood the importance of the conversation between couples, which Kami always teaches us.

(MA from Kagoshima Prefecture/Female/60s/Housewife)

My husband just passed away the other day. His last breath was a very peaceful moment.
From the beginning of our marriage, we were never good at having conversations, so I gave up by telling myself that he just does not understand my feelings.  I visited the church many times when my husband suffered a terminal cancer. Then I started to wonder how much did I know about him, while I always asked him to understand me.   
The compassion for my husband inside made me realize that I am the only one who can support him, so I wanted to devote myself to him.
As I stayed by his side in the hospital room with warm conversations, his facial expression became softer each day, and there were even some occasional smiles he gave me.  He would worry about my health condition sometimes which made me almost forget he was the one who is sick.  We were able to spend valuable and irreplaceable time because we were able to have warm conversations as husband and wife that have never occurred in the past. Children who live outside the prefecture came to see us from time to time, and doctors gave him the best treatment.
Now that I have sent him off with a church funeral, my heart is embraced with peace.  I sincerely appreciate that my heart is protected in the hands of Kami.

(MK from Tokyo/Male/70s/No occupation)

I have not seen my younger brother since he was adopted at a young age. He has always been on my mind as my dear brother.
When my mother passed away, an opportunity arrived to reconnect with him to discuss his inheritance.  We achieved to have a reunion for the first time in 67 years.  In the past, we were told that he was adopted to a wealthy home, but the truth was they were barely making a living and my brother could not even go to school.  My heart ached by listening to many struggles and hardships he had gone through to overcome.  Together with my sister, we deepened our family ties with him and wish for his happiness.
Since it was his 70th birthday this year, we gave him a gift to attend the longevity ceremony.  He was happy to accept it and came with his wife.  My brother and his wife were in tears during the ceremony looking back on their life’s journey. We also expressed gratitude to each other and it was a heartwarming moment.
After we visited the sites to worship Kami and our ancestors together, my brother’s wife said with a smile “It felt like I finally met my mother-in-law.”  My deceased mother gave us a chance and our family ties have deepened so much as a result, I think she is very pleased with all of us.  

(SS from Ibaraki Prefecture/Female/30s/Music Instructor)

I am in an international marriage, and we started living together with my mother in Japan. My mother and my husband were both gradually feeling uncomfortable living together, and tensions were building up due to language barriers.  

Since my father had just passed away, I thought I have to support my mother, and her happiness had to be the priority.  However, when I attended a class at the church together with my husband, and learned the fundamental aspect of a family is the wife and husband. I realized that the relationship with my husband is the most important thing for me. When I look back at my conversations with my husband, I started to wonder if I had said enough of my feelings to him. 

I asked Kami for my feelings to be anchored so that I can help and support my husband as a wife, and make more effort to have conversations to understand each other better.  Although many things happen every day, our thoughts always come together in the same direction, which makes me feel confident to overcome any hurdle.
I now understand that the difference in language does not matter to practice the teachings. I also came to realize that it is more important to show my mother that my husband and I are happy together, rather than to do everything to make her happy.

The relationship between my husband and my mother is gradually getting better. My mother even said she is glad that we are now able to have open and honest conversation in the family. I am very happy and grateful to learn the teachings and practice it as a family.

(TY from Shizuoka Prefecture/Female/70s/Housewife)

I was unhappy about my husband's stubbornness, and I had always been frustrated, and blamed him for being that way. However, I wanted to change the situation, so I attended a class at the church every month and learned the teachings.
Then one day, I realized that I kept blaming him instead, but I may be the one who was more stubborn than my husband.
Since then, I spent each day asking Kami for a more accepting and a flexible heart.

After a while, surprisingly my frustration disappeared, and I realized “I would leave regrets in my life if I keep going on like this. I really want to live by the teachings of Kami.”  Then, I tried and made the effort to initiate active involvements and conversation with my husband.

My husband naturally and gradually became nicer and helped me with the housework, and our conversations increased. I had always blamed my husband, but now I understand how important it is to change myself, and it is all up to my own perception to create harmony in any circumstances.