I am not confident with myself.
I do not have any special talents. I cannot have confidence due to my experience of being teased about my appearance.
Answer) What lacks in young adults are the experiences. Due to this reason, people at this stage tend to weigh heavily in forms and appearances. However, it is important to realize that charm exists elsewhere; their unique, one of a kind potential and strengths.
Your life is enjoyable and filled with many joys when you bring out the strength (abilities) that lie within you.
To bring out your inner strengths, cherish the encounters you have with others. Express your thoughts by word and attitude with a sincere and honest kokoro.
What we suggest you do now to raise your confidence is to open up your feelings about your lack of confidence honestly to your parents. They will help you find your strength because they know where your potential lies. And with no doubt, it will raise your spirits and help you make feel better about yourself. With this, the more you deepen your encounter, happiness and joy are extended. Cherish the ties with people and do your best on the tasks in front of you. You will know no body can replace you, and you will gain confidence in your existence.
Anxious about my wife and children.
I have been on a solo assignment which has kept me away from my wife and children. I have no complaints about the job I have, but cannot help but to worry about my wife taking care of three children all by herself. Should I consider getting a new job to be close with my family?
Answer) There is a way to support each other despite the physical distance.
Employment is not about working to protect your livelihood.
All human beings experience life’s meaning and purpose by giving back to the world (society) when the strengths of their unmei are drawn out.
The work carried out at a company is giving back your strength (unmei) to an organization.
The work carried out within the family is giving back your strength (unmei) to your family members.
The kokoro to work materializes when the kokoro to live and give back is discerned according to time, place, and position.
Kami uses the term “hōshi”—which we translated as the heart to give back. What it means is to always use your abilities and goodness for the well-being of others.
If you are in a work setting, you have to be responsible to do your job for the organization you work for. At home, you are a husband and a father, so to support the family both spiritually and financially becomes important. Being responsible for the well-being of your family is your responsibility as a husband and a father.
We suggest you consider to communicate more with your wife before you take actions to quit your current job. Tell her you think about her, tell her how things are going with your work, and ask her to tell you more about the children. This is to show your wife that you are supporting 100% no matter the distance—the presence of you is always there with the family in a spiritual way. And this is extremely important. Moreover, the more the ties between you and your wife becomes stronger, the children will grow up to be honest and good. Perhaps making changes and few adjustments on how you can be involved with them from far away will give you a clearer picture of what you can do now to help your family. And we can assure you, your involvement with the family will help your work to be more successful.
Difficulties in raising a child.
I am a mother of a 3 year old. She is constantly running around and screaming. There is never a moment where she is calm and relaxed. Plus, there is no discipline. I am starting to blame myself for her behavior. (Female 30’s)
Answer) We believe that there are many mothers, feeling the same way you are. You are not alone.
One thing we need to understand and accept, is that the child, at 3, is not at an age where she can see what is right and what is wrong.
Child rearing—it is the role as a parent to nurture your child’s growth.
Have a kokoro to see your child with more acceptance.
Your child will grow into a true human who treasures and understands the love and thoughts of their parents.
To point out the wrong doings is not the only role of parents. Ask Kami and wish for your unhurried kokoro, so that you can see your child’s personality, point out her abilities and talents, and let them flourish. When your kokoro calms and anchors, your child will become much more relaxed and stable. And it is always important you let your husband know what is going on—how you are feeling and what your concerns are. Sharing your anxieties is what will help you anchor, and your home environment will feel more relaxed and comfortable. These warm environmenst is what helps the growth of your child.
Constant arguments with my boyfriend. Should I still be with him?
I started living with my boyfriend recently. We plan to get married, but we are constantly arguing with each other. I wonder if we are right together? Should I go on with this relationship?
Answer)Marriage is a complete different story from living together. Marriage is about creating a family. If it be described as a tree, the husband becomes the root of the tree. And the root has to be strong and well rooted and grounded to support the trunk, which is the wife. Without the strong root and the trunk, there will be no fruits or flowers that bloom from that tree. What’s important is the togetherness—empathy between the husband and wife is needed.
The key to attracting good meetings is to live with a loving heart.
Strive to be a person who seeks for a loving family.
You will find mutuality—empathizing characteristics among all the people you meet.
In a relationship, the difficulty we find are often the differences in ways of thinking among the two people. This is true in any kind of relationships—however, this becomes a big hurdle when it comes to creating a family. We often suffer two different values colliding with each other. But when these differences surface, would you take it as a hurdle? Or would you take it as an opportunity to get to know better about your partner and deepen your understandings of each other?
The choice is up to the both of you. But as you live, it is always important to make the effort and stay respectful and caring about the other person at all times. Because creating a family is about love and patience. We suggest you take these into consideration and think about your values and what you want in your marriage. Once you clear that out in your mind, you will find your answer.
My aggressive husband is breaking the family apart
My husband is a very aggressive, violent person. Trying to have a descent conversation with him is impossible, and nothing gets resolved. Our child is emotionally disturbed from this situation and becoming very unstable. Should I leave him? (Female 40’s)
Answer) Family is where one must find peace and a sense of comfort and security. It should not be a place where there is violence. Family is like a tree, where the husband/father is the root, the wife/mother is the trunk, and the children are the branches. It stands as a tree with everybody together. Violence or any aggression that breaks the family apart, will kill the entire tree—which means that none of the family members will come out with happiness. Everyone is left with a scar.
Know your role in the family and follow through
Naturally, the kokoro of the family will come together and conversation will grow
This is a family environment where a person who achieves a life of fulfillment is fostered
The first thing to be done is to bring yourself together—bring yourself to calmness to see the situation correctly and not one sided. A great way is to tell your feelings through kigan and release your pain.
And at the same time, reflect on how you have treated your husband til this day. This is because relationships are always the involvement of each other—it usually isn’t one sided.
We all are born with something good. And your husband must have had something that attracted you as a person. Were you interacting with him to bring out that goodness in him? Also, how have you been facing your child?
If there is anything you can do on your side to change, it is best to work on that to begin with. Whatever you decide to do; before you take action, it is better to stop and face the situation without making judgments, think in your husband’s shoes and then make the decision. This way, you will not feel regretful by reacting to the situation emotionally.
Mortgage loan shattering my marriage.
Right after marrying my wife, we purchased a house to start a new life together. Having a mortgage loan was not easy, but we tried our best to pay back our mortgage by both us working full time. However, as time passed by, our everyday was just spent working, trying to pay back our debt and we were not living life as a newlywed. We eventually lost our sense of purpose about marriage, about work. How should I think to make my life more fulfilling and happy?
Answer) Marriage is about coming together to support each other and enhancing each other’s strengths throughout life—it is to walk together at the same pace and in the same direction under any circumstances.
The first thing to do is to strive to create a loving peaceful family (home).
Learn and understand your role in the family and live.
The kokoro of the family will gradually come together and doubts will disappear.
Financial situation and the family environment will constantly change its forms. If you are finding financial difficulties, it is important that the husband and wife take the time to communicate their thoughts and be on same grounds about the current situation. Laying out the problems on the table will help see the problem more clearly and find the best solution. If the mortgage is too much, perhaps you have reached out too much beyond your financial limitation. Downsizing might be an option, but the size of the house should not come in your way in achieving what you want as a couple.
The pain and aching from the accident continues. Doubts toward my doctor.
Few months back, I was involved in a serious accident that resulted with my hospitalization for 3 months. Although I have been released from the hospital, I am still suffering shoulder and back pain. I consulted my doctor, but nothing is done to fix my problem. What should I do to ease my suffering?
Answer) We assume, an accident that requires 3 months of hospitalization must have caused major, as well as other damages to your entire body. So it’s probably very natural to require some more time to heal. To ease the physical healing process, we recommend you focus a little on your mind.
Be aware that true health is when the kokoro and the body are in harmony.
Kigan so that you may live by Kami’s teachings.
Your kokoro will gradually become positive and the body will move with suppleness and flexibility.
But, the movement of the kokoro to go off the “path,” weighs down the movement of the body.
Kami teaches us that true health is achieved in the balance of the mind and the body. The more you make the effort to live with a positive mind it will help you stay physically healthy. As long as we live, we become sick or get injured. However, there is a way of life that protects you from health issues. If for any reason you do fall ill or get hurt, make that an opportunity to look back and reflect on how you are living based on the teachings of Kami. You will notice the areas in which to adjust—whether it is your appreciation towards your doctor or your family who’s there to support, your attitude towards the surrounding. You will be able to make the right decisions, take away something positive from the situation and overcome.